Does he love me?
Is this love, or is it comfort, habit or hope?
Is this love, or is it comfort, habit or hope?
Most people asking this question are not confused about the facts. They are confused about what the facts are worth. He is kind, or he is present, or he has been there for four years, and still something in you keeps asking. That asking is worth listening to. These nine questions do not look at what he has said. They look at what happens between you on an ordinary week, because that is where the answer actually lives.
question 1 of 9
Something good happens to you. What does he do when you tell him?
- Drops what he is doing and wants the whole story
- Says well done, means it, and moves on
- Says well done at exactly the volume he says everything
- You tell him late, or not at all, because you cannot predict the reaction
the questions in this quiz
Something good happens to you. What does he do when you tell him?
- Drops what he is doing and wants the whole story
- Says well done, means it, and moves on
- Says well done at exactly the volume he says everything
- You tell him late, or not at all, because you cannot predict the reaction
It is a bad week for him. Where do you sit in it?
- He tells you it is bad, and lets you see him in it
- He goes quiet and comes back once it has passed
- Nothing changes. The routine carries you both
- You find out from someone else that it was a bad week
When you picture next spring, is he in it?
- Yes, and he has said so too
- Yes, in your head. It has never been said out loud
- Yes, because you cannot picture it changing
- Yes, and you notice relief and sadness arriving together
What does he do with your bad days?
- Asks what would help, sometimes gets it wrong, keeps asking
- Waits it out. It passes and you both carry on
- Is nice about it, and visibly relieved when it is over
- Mostly does not know about them
Think about the last time he changed a plan for you.
- Recently, and without making it a favor
- He does not really change plans, but he does keep them
- He would if you asked. You just do not ask much
- You cannot think of one
How does he talk about you when other people are there?
- Warmly, with details, and he brings you into the room
- Fondly, in general terms
- Barely. You are assumed rather than mentioned
- You have not really seen him with other people
You say something honest and slightly risky. What happens next?
- He goes quiet, and then comes back to it later
- He reassures you quickly, so the moment can be over
- The conversation slides sideways and nothing lands
- You almost never do this
What do you feel most often on the way home from seeing him?
- Steady. Like you have been somewhere warm
- Fine. A bit flat, but fine
- Grateful, and then vaguely worried
- Comfortable, and slightly lonely
Finish it honestly. "If nothing changed for two years, I would feel..."
- Happy. This is good
- Safe, and a little sad
- Numb. And I would probably stay anyway
- Devastated, because I am waiting for it to change
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