A small quiz

What’s my love language?

How you actually receive love, and how you have been giving it.

9 questions 2 minutes

A handwritten note, a small wrapped gift and a steaming cup of tea on a tray beside fresh flowers, soft watercolour illustration

How you actually receive love, and how you have been giving it.

Most people find out their love language by being disappointed on a good day. Somebody does something kind, and you are grateful, and you are also quietly wishing for something else entirely, and then you feel ungrateful for noticing. That gap is the whole subject. These nine questions are not about what you say you value. They are about what you reach for when you are tired, what you give when you want somebody to feel loved, and what you would miss first. There is no better or worse result here, only what actually lands for you, which is worth knowing because it is the kind of thing you can hand to somebody who has been trying and missing.

2 minutes · 9 questions

the questions in this quiz

  1. It has been a long week and you get home. What would land best right now?

    • Somebody telling you exactly what you got through this week
    • Somebody putting their phone away and staying in the room
    • Being held for a minute before anything is said
    • Finding that somebody picked up the thing you like on the way home
    • Coming home to the dishes already done

  2. Your birthday. What makes the day feel loved?

    • Something chosen for you, small, and obviously thought about
    • The message that says what you mean to somebody
    • A whole afternoon with no clock in it
    • Somebody handling the arrangements so you do not have to
    • The long hug at the door

  3. A song comes on in the car that reminds you of someone you love. What do you do with it?

    • Wish they were in the passenger seat
    • Send them the song and a sentence about why
    • Take the detour and drop something off at theirs
    • Work out when you next see them, and for how long
    • Remember the thing you saw last week that they would love

  4. You are ill on the sofa. Which one would you want most?

    • Soup arriving, and the bin going out without a word about it
    • Somebody on the floor beside you with a hand on your ankle
    • A message in the morning and another at night, both saying you are on their mind
    • Somebody staying the whole afternoon to watch something silly with you
    • The good magazine and the good biscuits, brought up without asking

  5. You have got something wrong and you want to make it right. What do you do first?

    • You write it out properly, and in full
    • You do something for them before you say anything
    • You bring something. Flowers, or the thing they mentioned in June
    • You go and stand close to them until it softens
    • You clear the evening and ask for it

  6. It has been a busy month for both of you. What do you miss first?

    • Being touched for no particular reason
    • Being told, rather than assumed
    • An evening that belongs to the two of you
    • Somebody noticing the load and taking part of it
    • The small sign that you were on their mind while they were out

  7. Somebody you love has done something they worked hard for. How do you show them you are proud?

    • You clear your schedule and you are there for it
    • You turn up with something that marks the day
    • You take something off their plate so the week after is easier
    • You say it in full sentences, and you mean every one of them
    • You hug them before you speak

  8. A friend is having a hard time. What is your instinct?

    • Drive over and start with the practical things
    • Send the long message you spent an hour getting right
    • Block out Sunday for them
    • Go and sit close, with no talking required
    • Post them something small so they know somebody is thinking about them

  9. If you could keep only one of these for the next year, which one?

    • Being told out loud what you are to somebody
    • Hours together with the phones away
    • Everyday touch, the hand on the back in the kitchen
    • Being thought of when you are not in the room, with something to show for it
    • Somebody making your life lighter without being asked

The quiz itself runs in the browser. With scripts turned off you can still read every question here.

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